choosing joy.....
     really.....choosing joy.....

Today, after a hard day at work where I had very little adult human interaction and I had a sick kiddo spend his day screaming in my ear I sat at a red light and peeked at my phone.  I know, I know, you should never look at your phone while driving.  Trust me, I wish I hadn't.  There it was....an email from the teacher.  It was so encouraging in the title, "Hi, Dolhams!".  But then...then I opened it up.  One of my kiddos had just the crappiest day and made every wrong choice he could have possibly made at school.  All the Mom guilt of "How could my kid do that" and then all the blame of "why did they handle it like that".  We make it home and now the three very busy boys are home and settling in.  Papa has been gone for 3 nights now.  This new job is tricky and being a single mom is no joke! I sit back in the midst of emailing teachers and principals, and trying to get dinner on the table while wrangling a baby off of my ankles, and just breath.  This is everything I could have ever wanted and yet so different than what I wanted.  I m realizing that my kiddos are a bit different.  My image of what I wanted my life to look like is different.  They learn different, they act different, and yet they are still made in the image of God.  They are still incredible little guys that are miracles on this earth.  God chose me to be their advocate, the friend, their hug, their limit setter, and their Mumma.  In the moment I think "How am I going to get through the next five minutes without killing someone."  The answer is finding joy in the moment.  Trusting God to bear the weight of my pain and agony of having "different" kids.  Knowing that Christ can knows and hears my cries.  Joy in the moment tonight looked like a bowl of pasta with some red pepper for good measure.  Joy looked like a hug for a little guy who didn't even know what his body did today. Joy is the sloppy kiss that my baby gave me.  Joy is knowing that I am safe and secure in my Saviours arms even when I feel like I want to suffocate.

Joy.
Count it all Joy.
Count it all joy, when you face trials of many kinds. (James 1:2)